Visiting Teaching Funny!

Just For Laughs!

If only it were this easy...

ZION VISITING TEACHING SERVICE
" We Care Because You Don't Have Time To"

* Visiting teaching getting you down?
* Can't get that annoying Relief Society President off your back?
* Visiting teaching interfering with your valuable television and craft time?
WE CAN HELP!

At Zion's Visiting Teaching Service, we'll do your visiting teaching for you.

For a small monthly fee, we will send one of our representatives to the homes of your sisters.
* For $10.00 per sister, we will provide a visit
* For $15.00 per sister, we will provide a spiritual message.
* For $20.00 per sister, we will remember birthdays and anniversaries.

$20 isn't too much to pay for Peace of Mind. So give us a call at:
*1-800-462-2879 - That's 1-800-IM-2-BUSY *

Because of high volume an extra $15.00 will be added to all services required on the last day of the month.

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Check Out Our New Services!!!
*Meetings*

We will send a representative to the appropriate meeting to take notes for you and report back.

* Ward Council Meeting $30
* Ward Council Meeting w/ written report $50
* Presidency Meetings $20
* PEC $25
* Sacrament Meeting $20
* Sunday School $20
* Priesthood $20
* 3-hour Sunday Block (best value) $50

PLEASE NOTE: Surcharge of 10% for stake meetings
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Talks and Lessons

Did a bishopric member call and assign you a talk? Tired of wasting Saturday night preparing a lesson? Well, free up your time and just read one of our professionally prepared talks and lessons. No need to spend countless hours poring through books, writing and praying. We'll do it for you!

* Basic Talk (any subject assigned) $20
* Scripture Talk (basic + 5 scriptures) $30
* Deluxe Talk (scripture + 1 poem + 2 G.A. quotes) $40
All talks are guaranteed to last 15 minutes. Add $1 for each additional minute
* Basic Lesson (40 minutes) $25
* Deluxe (Basic + visual aides) $35
* Super Deluxe (Deluxe + Handouts) $45

- Due to high expectations, centerpieces and floral arrangements, Relief Society lessons are slightly higher. Call for quote.
- Due to lower expectations, priesthood lessons receive a 10% discount.

*Call us at 1-822-752-2537. That's 1-822-Slacker *.

Introducing our Bundle Buys and Frequent Shopper Plan
Bundle any 3 services and receive a 20% discount. Receive one free Basic talk or lesson with any 10 purchases.

There you have it! We take all the work off of your shoulders and put ours to the wheel just for you.

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Introducing our new:
Casserole Service

If you just can't possibly throw together food for various Ward occasions, WE CAN!

*Our basic services include:*
a.. Funeral Potatoes
b.. Green Bean/Mushroom Soup with Crunchy Onions
c.. Green Jell-O with Carrots
d.. Spinach Dip in a Bread Bowl
e.. CheezWiz/Tater Tot Surprise

For only $15 (plus deposit) each delivered to your house with Corningware marked with your name! They'll never know you didn't make 'em!

Remember our number: 1-822-S-L-A-C-K-E-R

"'Now and then' isn't enough"

I haven't always loved visiting teaching, but I really have a testimony of it. I don't love it 10 minutes before I leave, but when I'm there I do, and coming home I really do feel a bit lighter -I wish that translated to my physical, and not just spiritual self though:)

It has always been a good way for me to put others first, to remind me of what is important and I really have gained some great friends I otherwise would not have had. My secret to visiting / home teaching - MAKE AN APPOINTMENT. If you don't it is so easy for the month to creep away with things which, lets be honest, you would rather do - but once you make an appointment it's hard to back out.

The following quote is from a talk by Elder Eyring, about home teaching, and also applies well to visiting teaching.

Elder Eyring said:

“It shouldn’t surprise us….. that the Lord has said to you and me, “Watch over the church always, and be with and strengthen them” (D&C 20:53). God loves us, and he intends for us to become like him. He doesn’t ask us now to worry about all his children in all the world, as he does. Instead, he begins with a call to watch over just a few families, just a few people. But he knows that to visit thirty minutes every month with the same lesson for every family would never produce the progress he wants for us.

And so he commands, “Watch over [them] always, and be with and strengthen them. “ You can’t be with them twenty-four hours a day. That would be “always”, wouldn’t it? But they can be in your hearts always. If you’ll think about the families you visit, those of you who are blessed to be called [visiting] teachers, you know the help they need is beyond your casual effort.

“I knew in my heart that effort “now and then” wasn’t enough, that “going out home teaching” or even “giving a good lesson wouldn’t do it. God called us to watch over and help people in all their struggles for physical and spiritual well-being. He called us to help by the Spirit. He called us to teach by the Spirit. He called us to live what we teach. He called us to bear testimony. He called us to love them.

“Now, he didn’t make it hard just to test you. He gave you a high calling because he loves you. He wants you home again, and to get there you have to become like him. So he gives you a calling that can only be done with persistence and endurance”.

More Than These

After the Saviours resurrection he appeared to Simon Peter whilst he was fishing. They then dined together:

'So when they had dined, Jesus saith to Simon Peter, Simon, son of Jonas, lovest thou me more than these? He saith unto him, Yea, Lord; thou knowest that I love thee. He saith unto him, Feed my lambs.' (John 21:15)

I’ve thought about the phrase 'more than these'. The Saviour here was referring to the fish, asking maybe “do you love me more than fishing?”, I wonder what 'these' things would be for you and I?

Maybe the Saviour says to us, “do you love me more than………your job, the TV programme you’re watching, your studies, the clothes you wear, your money, your friends, your bed” (which is hard to get out of sometimes:), really there is a never-ending list of things which could be 'these'.

After Simon Peter had responded that he does love the Saviour, the response from Him, in effect, was “prove it” [Feed my Lambs]. If we do really love the Saviour, we’ll turn off the TV and go and do our Visiting & Home Teaching, we’ll get out of bed and read our scriptures, we’ll wear clothes that are modest and clean, we’ll help those in need, we’ll share the gospel, we’ll 'feed his sheep'.

I hope that our love for the Saviour is easy to detect.